| From
After the Revival
Nocturne for
Matthew Twenty-two,
come from the underground, you're through with the mine's night shift and
wear coal dust like vernix while playing Clair de Lune. Moths crowd the
porch-lit screen door, and you've come to trust
your
ear for every chord. Dark note by note, how many hours you've searched for
songs that burn like lustrous rock your damp neck creased with soot, your
hands unclean only to be spurned by
stars repeating, Time, Time, Time. My only brother, in the pitch of
sleep, may hymns resolve for you. May your dreams be more than ash. May
you climb to a house of light and blind yourself at its windows, breathe its
music in, and beat your wings like prayers against the mesh. The
Country-Western Singer's Ex-Wife, Sober in Mendocino County, California
Somewhere
back East my late love's all coked up, another cowgirl wannabe lying at
his feet while he plucks a Willie Nelson song from his beer-soaked six string
and complains nobody understands a rebel's broken heart. I've played her
part, the star struck blonde in boots and
denim mini, pert boobs, and brains to boot. Whiskey fed, dreamy, how I talked
him up, a sequined Tammy to his George, my heart a backstage bed I wanted
him to lie in. It proved too hard, and when a harder body came along, he
said, The party's over, and
left me listening to "Sad Songs and Waltzes," Waylon, steel guitars
that struck like a boot to the face. But that's good country, right? A body enamored
with its bruises, praising its screw-ups, the blood still wet in its wounds?
Memory lies as still as a rattlesnake until my heart comes
begging for its venom. Sink 'em in, my heart says. I've been traveling
on a horse called Music, and he's brought me here to die. I'd be lying if
I said I didn't want to fill my ex's boots with spit the night I caught him
with that up- start starlet at the bar; when everybody tried
to hide in their shot glasses; when nobody but a Broadway street preacher had
the heart to hold my hair off my face while I threw up outside; when all
the songs I loved "Crazy," "Golden Ring," "Jolene"
became like boots too busted to put on, bent-pitch ballads of his lies, my
shame sung loud in the key of C. He's lying from the stage, in the bar or bed,
when he says nobody understands him. I do. I've burned my boots, moved west
to wine and water because his heart was a dry bottle, cold as the black rose rotting
in his lapel, and I still wake up to
his tunes: the beer, blow, boots and love, the lies they tell and don't. Once,
I was a good-hearted woman. Now I pray, Lord, please, somebody, shut him up.
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